Need Some Motivation...

So I'm here in my dorm room being absolutely and totally unproductive. There are many things I could be doing right now... writing one of my two essays, studying for my philosophy test, reading my massively annoying (or annoyingly massive) anthropology assignment. Argh, but no... I am putting that aside to update this very important blog. 

All the while, I'm wandering about this thing called school and college. This thing that is supposed to expand one's mind, but sometimes just feels like a never ending cycle of papers and reading assignments. Yeah I've learned nice pieces of knowledge over the past summer, and over senior year, and over last summer when I was taking classes at ACC. It's all nice, sometimes fascinating, and of course always interesting. 

But this nonstop academic activity has really made me sick of school and not motivated in the least. I feel like a slow turtle, drudging and dragging on with my assignments. And time... time is like the annoying hare that races past me, reminding me that I'd better not fall behind. 

Don't worry, I don't fall behind. No, I pull those lovely all-nighters of course, and begin the morning with some form of caffeine. Everything always works out though...

And everything will work out. I just wish I could motivate myself to finish these last few weeks. And I wish I could feel just a tad bit more excited about the fall semester. A part of me is, it really is; probably my spirit. It can sense the changes and new atmospheres that are to come. 

Oh, but my mind (well maybe more so my brain) is not looking forward to the fall. More lectures, tests, the works. It needs to be renewed... it'll always need to be renewed. 

(That's a good word right there; thank you Holy Spirit :) 

Renewed daily, moment by moment... 

Well, as far as my body goes, I think it just needs some sleep and it'll be good to go for tomorrow and for the fall semester. Well... that's my cue to conclude. 

Thanks for reading and listening... It's been fun... Ima go to bed >) Ciao! 

First three weeks as a college kid...

Finally, my first post...

So yes, I have finished the third week of my first semester of college. Hoorah! I know, I know, I probably should have posted something a long time ago and believe me this blog has been on my mind. But no worries :) 

So far, college has treated me well. Of course I arrived here with expectations and presuppositions. Some have been met and others, not so much. But hey, I've only been here for three weeks. 

Let's see, when I first got here I thought that...

I'd get along with my roommate well enough, but was afraid of living with someone that I've never known before and of course thinking of all those terrible roommate stories.

My teachers would be old intellectual social outcast types, intimidating and boring.

I'd meet so many new people with different ideas and opinions. 

Speaking out and stating my ideas in class would be easy enough.

I'd keep my room clean all the time :)

I'd try being a vegetarian... hmmm.

I'd do things that I've always wanted.

I'd have a perfectly managed schedule.

Check out the local bands and listen to great music (not good, great)

Major growth would occur within me. 

The Holy Spirit would work through me as a healing revivalist on the campus, with boldness and understanding.

Live a life under the aura of His Presence at all times. 

I'd establish close relationships and just love people. 

My first priority would be to go after the reality of Jesus, apart from what my family believes, apart from Christianity, and apart from everything that is not essential Truth and... 

I'd once again see how everything happens for a reason. 

I'd become an intimate friend (bf) of God (heck yes!)

My being here would somehow impact others. 

I'd have the freakin' sweetest time of my life!!!

Oh, and that I'd get to see the albino squirrel again (watcha!) 

Well, I kinda went deep with that at the end.... But this is an important blog, the most in fact :P

I don't want to go into every detail about how these expectations have or haven't been met. But I can tell you this much... 

My roommate is awesome and we've become good friends. It's like having a sleepover everyday. My teachers are actually pretty cool, young (graduate students most likely), and easy to talk to. I've met so many different kinds of people and with that experienced some great conversations. I've found that speaking out in class is hard and intimidating. So far my room has not stayed clean, although I try to keep it organized (can't help myself). Schedule is definitely not even existent, kinda bugs me, but whatever. I haven't checked out any local bands :(

Certain ideologies and philosophies have challenged my beliefs and what I've known to be true. It kinda makes everything in my life feel unstable and shaky. Makes one wander why anyone believes anything.  

Then there's the "yet" moment, and since starting college, it's been more of a "yet" reality. My friendship and intimate bond with Jesus transcends every possible philosophy, theory, or myth. He meets me wherever I go and He is soooo much bigger than any construction of mankind. Now I'm kind of liking this whole not "going" to church. For now, I could really get used to this reality of just being a friend.

 

Eventually I want my cup to overflow with His Presence. I want it to overflow so much that everything around me will be flooded with this sweet, overwhelming, and unmistakably satisfying gift.  And true, I want to see more happening in terms of supernatural signs and wonders. I know that I'm crazy for wanting this, but then again when did I care? Yes, the discouraging thoughts and doubts flood my mind about how I'm a failure, blah blah blah. 

Then there's that "yet" reality again (I've got a huge smile on my face). This being that no matter what i do, my relationship with Him is constant. 

What if...

I heal someone (sweetness). 

I go for a walk (always great). 

In the end, the same lovely tune rings "Oh how he loves me so..."

Do I question what I believe? All the time. Do I get frustrated by this feeling of failure? You have no idea. Do I feel like I'm gonna go crazy because of this burning desire for revival and healing? That would be a yes. Would I trade any of it if the price was that I couldn't be with Him? Negative. I can't even comprehend such an idea.

>It amazes me how through so much frustration, discouragement, intimidation, and dissatisfaction there is so much depth and peace.< 

So yeah, I guess that's a taste of how my life as a college student has been so far. It's unusual and kind of heavy, I know. I'm happy though; happy to be learning and growing. It feels like it's been so much longer than 3 weeks and I'm glad... (time don't go too fast please!) 

I'll try to post somewhat often and let you know how everything's going. You can leave comments if it strikes your fancy, hehe... Ciao!