knowing

In two days I will be flying back to the United States of America, to Texas, to Austin. I'll be home for Christmas. I'm excited. I have already said so many goodbyes but I haven't cried. I've felt the lump in my throat and the uneasiness in my stomach that usually precede the tears, but I have no tears. My eyes are dry. The tears will probably break forth at a random time and I am prepared for them with special tissues.

This intercessory missionary internship has finished officially and with the ending I had to think about all that has happened. So much has happened, so many moments and revelations and funny memories. But with all the many happenings, I can see that God was showing a path. He showed me the way to follow Him. The way to come before Him, the way to taste of Him, to see that He has the words of eternal life, and to keep coming to Him.

"You will show me the path of life;
In Your presence is fullness of joy;
At Your right hand are pleasures forevermore."
Psalm 16:11

He shows me the path of life. I see it. In being in the prayer room in Amsterdam, sitting in His Presence, and talking with Him all those hours I found Him. In Him telling me to take this year off from university and come to YWAM Amsterdam, He was showing me the path that was for me. We all have to come before Him and let Him show us the path of life and only He can show it to us. The pastor through His sermons cannot show this, the greatest and most relevant teachers cannot, the most powerful meeting cannot, the latest book cannot... no musical composition, no drug or substance, no world traveling expedition, no magnificent entrepreneurial venture, no movie or television series... only the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. God made us and He knows us.

Do I know Him? Do I know that in His presence is fullness of joy? Do I know that in Jesus there are pleasures forever? Forever and ever and ever, as in I will never be bored or not satisfied? Fullness of joy! What does that even mean?
Do I know how to simply drink of Him and Him alone? He said that I as one who believes can come and drink and have rivers of living water flowing from my most inner being. Do I know what this reality is: to have rivers of living water flowing from within me? Do I live from this source, this bread of life and this living water?

This path of life is knowing that I need to know Him better. Knowing that there is joy and pleasure in His presence and I haven't tasted the fullness. I want to. Knowing that this reality of having rivers of living water flowing from the innermost being can be true. Knowing that it is possible to feel the affections of God on my emotions and to think like God because I have the mind of Jesus.

I know that I want to know more. I am hungry to have more hunger. I am crying because of the verse that says He will wipe every tear from our eyes. I have the revelation that I need to ask God for more revelation about Himself. Only He can show and only He can spark the flame, only He can breathe life, only He can melt a heart of stone, only He. He is amazing. His love is surprising. 1000 years from now we will still be receiving revelation about His love, we will still be awestruck by His beauty, we will still be tasting of His joy and the fullness of it.

God is beyond anything! And He wants to show us the path of life, the path to knowing Him. He is an open book for us to know. He knows the way. Like in John, Jesus says, "Come and see". I'm a follower of Jesus and He told me to "come and see". For me it was coming to Amsterdam and having a season of intercession. I came and I have seen a glimpse. But the seeing is not for a season. I will be beholding His glory forever, gazing upon His beauty forever.
All will see the glory of this Man, but now He invites us to come so that He can show us.

And Jesus Himself prayed that we who believe would be with Him and see Him.

"Father, I desire that they also whom You gave Me may be with Me where I am, that they may behold My glory which You have given Me; for You loved Me before the foundation of the world." John 17:24

I'm rejoice and give thanks that I am a human being. We were made to be with God, to be fascinated by Him, to know Him. And it never ends.